Co-dependency is the biggest blockage to soul growth.

Can’t live with them can’t live without them!

How many times have you heard this classic co-dependency phrase or even used it? And yet have you taken the time to explore the green light you give to self-imprisonment. And the wiliness to live a disempowered existence?

In this post, we will break down the psychological and energetic implications and their social roots.

Let’s first look at the co-dependency facet of “Can’t live with them.”

Instantly we see an incompatibility, a discord. What usually happens is one partner identifies something they dislike in the other and makes a judgment call on that behaviour. Be that personality trait or habit, and from that judgement, blame is duly appointed.

It’s what’s known in psychology as projection and stems from dissatisfaction from within, which is projected onto the other. (This is not exclusive to partnerships; it exists within all relationships).

The #NO1 cause of this stems from expectations.

Expectations are a long-established societal and cultural program of belief from which to create disempowerment within the masses. Designed to perpetually keep the majority of humanity in a mental and energetic frequency of lack.

So, indoctrinated is this program into the psyche of humanity. That its teaching and its recipient’s simulation is undertaken subconsciously and manifested as co-dependency. A LACK of understanding and/or belief that we each have everything needed within us.

When running a co-dependency program

We seek from another what we deem unable to provide for ourselves… Not only do we seek but we also expect the other to fulfil what we seek, in a form in which we would provide it.

When written in black and white we can observe two aspects that disempower both parties. Two birds one stone effect, perpetuating the disempowerment cycle: –

1. We are asking another to act as a carbon copy of ourselves. Effectively requiring them to step away from their true self and personal alignment and become somebody they’re not.
2. If we have such a deep understanding of what we seek and how we want it delivered. Why have we deemed ourselves incapable of providing it?

Just these two aspects open the doors to deep introspection and an opportunity for massive growth! If you feel ready to start making some moves. Ready to start focusing on yourself and bringing in some greater self-love then check out this FREE self-love coaching workbook. It will help you get clarity and to keep track of your progress.

On an energetic level

One or the other feels depleted of life force energy due to one or more of their essential needs not being met. Because they run a program of co-dependency, they feel unable to provide for those needs independently. And so they expect whoever they are interacting with to fulfil those needs.

As humans we instinctually want to give to another, it’s a natural pre-set of how we interact. But if we are running co-dependency and/or run any other disempowering programs, beliefs, and values, we quickly deplete our energy. So, work to retrieve it – this is where relationships start to break down! The biggest cause of many a beautiful, loving relationship ending or as the title suggests becoming intolerable.

We all have friends in relationships where we frequently observe the couple bickering like children, and point-scoring. Or the other type of couple where one dominates, projecting themselves as the all-knowing, all-seeing. The ones that are charming, charismatic, the life and soul of the party and yet if we look past the surface persona, we see that they ignore and frequently disrespects their partner.  Both are great examples of complacency and toxicity taking root. Usually the bi-product of co-dependency.

And yet… to see it when you’re in it is much more difficult!

This brings us to “can’t live without them”

Co-dependency is the biggest blockage to soul growth, when I talk about soul growth, I refer to the nurturing and development of self. Discovering and exploring all we can be. The infinite possibilities of who we choose to be and all we choose to do. Stops dead in its tracks, sometimes doesn’t even leave the runway when co-dependency is involved.

That co-dependency, the teachings of our mothers and fathers, and society. The functional – dysfunctional learnings of what a good relationship looks and feels like. All too often we witness through real-life and media both men and women giving up their dreams. Their hopes, and their wishes for the one they love. Ah so very romantic – NOT! The truth is each becomes lost in the other and thus the person they fell so deeply in love with no longer exist.

It’s true that when both parties have equal levels of co-dependency and desire similar things from life, the relationship can function. But what happens if one starts to open themselves to new experiences or feels the calling of the soul. It creates an imbalance within the dynamics which the other energetically feels. Like the removal of a security blanket, they feel the loss, feel insecure and so begin behaviours to hold on at all costs.

Loss of identity

That loss of identity creates many disempowering baseline survival beliefs. A once happy go lucky, super independent persona, now finds themselves incapable of making decisions without consultation, they fear making the wrong choice. They fear travelling alone, they feel lonely when alone, unable to hold space for themselves. That fear felt when alone, being too intense, intimidating. And its overwhelm making it impossible, to even contemplate addressing the white elephant in the room.

And so many remain in unhappy, unfulfilling relationships. Or keep jumping ship, from the fire to the frying pan never understanding that once they invest in another the process/cycle will just repeat itself.

So how can these cycles be broken?

Well unfortunately there is no magic pill. No easy road or accelerated program, anyone who tells you there is, is just making a quick buck!

The cycles get broken by doing the hard work. By investing in ourselves, by being committed to learning, growing and showing up for ourselves. Trying new things to see differing results, evaluating the ones which worked and were pleasing and eliminating the ones that didn’t.  But the fundamental key is learning to love ourselves completely and unconditionally. Only then will we have a solid foundation on which to build our dreams.

If you find yourself in this cycle and are tired of it, feel you need a change but don’t know where to start then hit the consultation link and let’s have a chat. https://claireatyeo.com/life-coaching/