Tired of being Tired

I’m Tired of Being Tired

I’m tired of organizing everything, you say “I’ll leave it up to you”

Then when we get there hearing “this isn’t what I wanted to do”

I’m tired of getting home from work, you’re all sat watching TV,

And as I walk into the kitchen, you ask me what’s for tea!

I’m tired of being the kid’s taxi service

And I’m tired of hearing did you remember too…

I’m tired of doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping,

And I’m tired of you seeing the things I didn’t yet do!

I’m tired of doing the nightly dishes

Whilst you get to give the kids their good night kisses

And whilst we’re talking some home truths

 I’m really sick and tired of being introduced as your misses!

I’m tired of seeing you flirt,

Use that sparkle that used to be just mine.

I’m tired of my family saying

 “Oh everything will be fine”.

I’m tired of being your wife,

 I’m tired of being a mum,

I know this is the life I asked for

But I thought it would be fun

I imagined us working together

And sharing what needed to be done

I imagined there would be two of us

And not just only one.

I’m tired of being tired

And I’m wondering what’s it all for?

I’m so really very tired

I’m close to walking out that door.

Claire Atyeo – 3-9-2018

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As a coach, helping hundreds of people, I have learnt there are two fundamental components necessary for a fulfilling life and harmonious relationship

First taking responsibility for self

Too often we get caught up in the romance, making decisions on ideas and illusions, learnt programs were we believe we want, even need someone to take care of us! We imagine what life will be like when… Rather than asking the questions for real.

Probing questions, unromantic conversations, what will our life be like? What are your expectations, what are my expectations? How will we organize our finances and how will that work when we start a family? Do we want a family?

Taking responsibility for self is paramount when making a life changing decision such as marriage or choosing to live with someone. The first big question to ask yourself is, do you know yourself sufficiently to commit to another?

Sounds like a crazy question right? But the truth is many of us never take the time to explore who we are! We live our lives on beliefs and values taught by parents and guardians, peers and other influential adults that surrounded us as we grow up.

Living the dream of others expectations and thinking they are our own works, for a time. Until one day the weight of expectations starts to feel very heavy, we find ourselves looking in the mirror, not recognising the person reflecting back at us, struggling to find the fire that used to burn in our eyes, our soul. One day we wake with an emptiness deep inside, surrounded by people yet feeling utterly alone and having no idea how it happened or what to do about it.

Taking personal responsibility for all areas of our lives, examining who we are and who we want to be as adults, having firm foundations and security within ourselves sets us free from depending on others to provide emotional needs. We no longer experience feelings of being let down, disappointed, put upon, taken for granted or disregarded.

Second, speak in a language that the other understands

There is no point continually repeating the same request or conversation over and over, if they didn’t get it the first time it’s because they didn’t fully understand, change the language you are using.

The way we communicate is essential within a relationship, we have all heard men from mars, women from Venus, but this doesn’t just apply between the differing sexes. Same sex relationships also experience problems in the communications area.

Here are a few ideas to implement and experiment with, the key is don’t repeat in the same manor and don’t give up, don’t internalize – thinking they don’t care or are not interested, that’s called projection, something we are all capable of when not feeling secure or confident within ourselves, we make our problem theirs!

So learn to speak your mind, truth, when calm, not in the moment of irritation or anger, phrase yourself in a way that does not indicate blame, ask them to stop and look at how they would feel given the same situation, be clear in your aim and desired outcome of having the conversation, be open to listening yourself and be fair!

There is a fabulous book by Gary Chapman, The Five Languages of Love, which goes into great detail and explains why communication in relationships can be problematic, further still the book helps you identify your love language and that of your partners, armed with this information you find yourself equipped to make positive and productive changes. Here is the link for the language love test https://365tests.com/personality-tests/what-is-your-love-language/

Has this post resonated with you, did you identify with the poem? Do you have a deep knowing that things cannot continue in the same vain, and ready to explore who you are? Then you will need this link – lets talk http://claireatyeo.com/coaching/